Thursday, May 3, 2007

Parenting Styles

I spend a lot of time working with students and parents. I also spend a lot of time watch parents, simple becasue I want to be the best at my job as I can be, yet more than that I want to be a great parent for my children. To do that I need to learn from all of you.
I thought I would post some common styles of parenting I see. After reading them I would love to hear any others you see.

As I watch students and families I notice a few things. Here are some thoughts:

Some parents want to be more of a friend than a parent.
This seems to be very unhealthy. It seems as if their teen has a higher % chance to fall into sex, drugs and rebellion. The common excuses you hear with these parents are “I don’t want to push my kid any further than he/she has already gone.”

Some parents are too busy for their kid
What is more important the job or the family?

Some parent’s push their student’s to be what they want and not what the student wants.
God has gifted us all in many ways. I believe sometimes we want someone to be something they are not. We must find out what are gifts are and use them for God’s story!

Some parents send their kids to church yet they never go themselves.
We need to teach the students that values are important even as adults and parents.

Some parents think their kid can never mess up.
Some parents believe their student is perfect and can never mess up. When someone goes to that parent with evidence saying your son/daughter has messed up some parents will not believe it. I believe this will hurt your child more than anything. ALL STUDENTS MESS UP AND NEED TO FACE CONSQUENCES!!!
Some parents attend church with their children but never get plugged in.
These parents normally think they need to be in church for their children, yet they just don’t want to be involved.
Some parents think it is the church's job to raise their child in knowing right or wrong.
Yes this is true it is our job to develop a biblical understanding of right and wrong. Parents should understand though the church only has their child for about 2-3 hours a week. The rest of the time they are under the parent’s roof. I believe the #1 person who should be teaching the students right from wrong and clear biblical understanding is the parent’s.

Sure you might not have a Biblical Studies degree but you do a life. Live a life for your teen to follow!

Some parents are 100% active in their church and they push their kid’s to be 100% active.
Even though every one of these could be bad or good it just depends on how you look at it. But what I see is this situation plays out to be healthier in the long run. I see students who are 100% involved and so are their parents having stronger chance to: stay sexually pure, off drugs, non-alcoholic, make better grades, etc… Sure this is not the case in every one of the family’s lives, but i was say more than not it is the case.

This style does not mean you just attend church this is talking about being plugged in! Many parents attend and leave as fast as they come in. I'm not talking about you in this situation.
As you look at that where do you fall? What is your parenting style? Do you know any other styles? I would love to hear what styles you see out their.
To be an effective student pastor I must be effective with the parents. To be effective we need to review all the styles of parenthood and determine how to make the greatest impact.

Any thoughts?

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