Leadership keeps staff as much as leads staff

1. Leadership is about inspiring staff in growth times. Growth times are tuff. 2. Lead your time forward by walking with them not just pushing them 3. Do life w/ your team not just over your team 4. Listen to your staff don't just tell your staff 5. Don't dream alone. Dream Together. 6. Everyone has a voice. Let them speak 7. Speak believe into your team. 8. Grow with your team; don't just expect them to grow. if you don't grow w/ them they will pass you and you will work for them one day. 9. Have fun w/ your team 10. Support your team in what they are doing; don't just expect them to support you in what you are doing. 11. Support your teams’ families don't just expect them to support your family.

A trend I am noticing: Have students today lost a healthy fear of their parents & of authority?

A trend I see among students today is that they no longer have a healthy fear of their parents but instead an unhealthy expectation for their parents to always take up for them. 

Not all, but most students today if you look at them and say, “I am going to have to call your parents.” will respond with “How about I call them for you and they will come up here and talk to you about this.” Such a different response than how I was brought up, taught to have a healthy fear and respect of adults and authority.

Teeangers know their parents will take up for them instead of hold them accountable to the situation.  

When I was a kid, if an authority figure looked at me and said “Brian, I am going to call your dad,” I would have begged them (if not paid them) not to do it!  I would have done anything to keep my dad from coming up to the school or church, simply because I had a healthy fear of my father.  You see, my father loved me enough that he did not always take up for me, but instead I always knew that he expected me to be a responsible young man & if consequences were presented because of a poor decision on my part, I had to own up to it.  

As I watch the news, read tweets and blogs and as I spend a lot of time with students and their parents, I am seeing this reality of teenagers having a huge disrespect for authority and even more, an unhealthy expectation of what they expect out of their parents. 

So what are we to do as parents?  When do we need to step in & stand up for our kids?  How do we stand up for our kid in a healthy way without just "bailing them out"?  What is a healthy expectation to have for our kids?

I definitely am not the expert, nor do I have all the answers.  I am learning so much myself in this area of parenting young kids. Author, Tim Elmore, writes of this often and I am always challenged as a parent by what he writes.  

Here are just a few thoughts that I have on this issue simply from a youth pastor perspective and from what I am learning as a parent...  

10 Thoughts from a Youth Pastor perspective:
1.     Realize your kids can do wrong.  He/She is not perfect.  
2.     It is not always another kids fault. Be willing to see fault in your own child.
3.     Realize your kid knows you, knows how they expect you to respond, and knows how to play you.  They will act different with you in the room, than they did when they knew they were busted. 
4.     The adult that calls you, don’t go in on the defense against them.  Especially, if it is a caring adult who is just trying to keep order or help all parties involved.  If your kid sees you attack another adult for getting onto your child, then you've just taught them automatically throw blame on someone else and not take responsibility for their part in the issue. 

5.     Have an understood & CLEAR list of consequences for your student.  Students need expectations of what their consequences should be before an incident arrises. Not to carry around the mentality of, “Well, I know my parents will get me out of this, they always do.” 
6.     Let them fail while they are under your roof.  Use these moments while they're in your home as teachable moments! Teaching them to fail-forward. 
7.     Don’t be a friend be a parent!
8.     Don’ t just be present at home physically, but be involved in their lives.  Most kids I see that bully others are usually ones who lack a solid home life.  Not always but most of the time. 
9.     Listen to your child but also listen to the other side.  There are two sides to every story. 
10. As always, in discipline, discipline in love & not in anger.  Students need expectation as much as we do as adults, just lead in love and not out of anger. You child needs to know you are proud of them and believe in them no matter what.  

DISCLAIMER – Although I don’t have teenagers in my home yet, I am just surrounded by thousands of teenagers and their parents every week and walk through many situations with them.  I am a learning parent and, just like all of you, I want to be all God has called me to be as a parent. 

What are your thoughts to this?  What do you see? 

Parenting Helps:

Long Hollow has many HERE

Tim Elmore Blog

Authentic Maturity

Checkpoints – A Tatical Guide toManhood

Salvaging my Identity for Girls

 Send your teen to Student Leadership University

Send your teen on international mission trips.  

101 lessons I have learned over the years in Youth Ministry

Over the years I have had the chance to work in some of the top churches in America and for some of the greatest leaders in the country.  As a result I have learned so much over the years.  

I took the time to write down 100 quick thoughts I have learned over the years as a youth pastor.  I still have so far to go and so much to learn but am grateful for what God has taught me this far.  Can't wait to see all I get the chance to learn in the future.  

I could probably list over 500 lessons and counting but here is 101 lessons i have learned over the years in youth ministry.  

1. A Call to Ministry is a must:  There are days you will want to quit that you will need to reflect back on your call
2.  Relationships with your church are a must
3.  Relationships with your youth workers are a must
4.   Relationships with your community takes work but is the key. 
5.  Your Youth Workers are your most valuable resource
6.  Celebrate the wins with your team. 
7.  Share the gospel often
8.  A gospel centered event without effective follow up will never lead to disciples. 
9.  Loyalty is a must.
10.   Delegations without Definitions equals Disaster. 
11.   Leadership is a must. 
12.  Be clear in your vision.
13.  Bring the people along with you.  If you get too far ahead you will committee ministry suicide. 
14.  Don’t ask ask ask.  
15.  Don’t use all your “relationships coinage” all at once.
16.  Your family must be put before your ministry.
17.  School activities are a must to attend. 
18.  Preach out of God’s word and not just whatever is the most popular topic. 
19.  Never do an event without sharing the gospel 
20.  Discipline the students is a must. 
21.  Put your students around mature adults not just college students.  Teenagers need more adults in their lives. 
22.  Teenagers do not need more friends they need more leaders in their lives. 
23.  Communicate Communicate Communicate
24.  Don’t make it “Your” ministry.  Allow your family to do life with you in ministry. 
25.  Pride will kill your ministry. 
26.  The stage is not to make you famous but to make God famous. 
27.  Never overlook any student.  You never know if they are the one that God wants to use to start a movement in your community. 
28.  Never Assume. 
29.   Don’t be afraid to confront students or leaders.  Be humble but speak up. 
30.  Humble confidence is needed in your leadership.
31.  Ministry is always happening.  Sometimes “it” can wait until tomorrow. 
32.  There is nothing wrong sending someone to voice mail and calling them back the next day.  Just remember to call them back. 
33.  Hand written notes go a long way. 
34.  Be sure your students and volunteers understand the WHY so that they will do the HOW. 
35.  What good is a video if noone is coming to watch it.  Point: don’t spend all the time being creative and not building relationships. 
36.   Excellence is the only option. 
37.  Stay Simple.  The more complex you get the less impact you will have. 
38.  Stay Connected.  Don’t be a “green room” youth pastor.
39.  Share the stories often. 
40.  Pray for your pastor daily.
41.  Stay in line with the vision of the church. 
42.  Baptize weekly
43.  Know when to speak up and when to shut up. 
44.  Followship is just important as Leadership.  Know when to Lead and when to Follow. 
45.  Raise the bar with your youth workers and students. 
46.  Use Social Media often to share the story. 
47.  Be Self Motivated
48.  Stay away from Negativity.  Does not good! 
49.  Smile a lot,
50.  be quick to listen,
51.  say thanks often,
52.  find opportunities to hang with other staff members.
53.  Attend Church Weekly. 
54.  Never say “I can’t.”  There is always a way. 
55.  Don’t overcomplicate the gospel. 
56.  Equip the Saints to do the work of the ministry.
57.  Spend time w/ God daily and do it in the morning. 
58.  Reflect yearly
59.  Be Creative in your programming. 
60.  Don’t procrastinate. 
61.  Read books monthly
62.  Pray Pray Pray
63.  A Building does not keep people relationships do
64.  A big budget does not mean big success. 
65.  Never let discouragement set in
66.  Keep your integrity and Character high
67.  Don’t add to your numbers to impress others.  Just post what you actually had and rejoice in what God did. 
68.  Work Hard!!!
69.  To be an A leader hang out with other A leaders
70.  Know the “seasons” of ministry and prepare your family for them. 
71.  “People and rubber bands have one thing in common: they must be stretched to be effective." John Maxwell
72.  Whenever you encounter a hill, keep pushing & hoping. There's probably a downhill on the other side
73.   Never wait for a "storm" to hit. Always be ahead of the storm.
74.  Ask the question: What are we doing in our life today that if God removed his hand we could still do? What are you trust the spirit of God for?
75.  Never Over Promise and Under Deliver
76.  Never say anything behind someone’s back that you don’t have the guts to say to that persons face. IT will get back to them. You might not care if it does but either way it is ungodly!!!
77.  Go where God calls you no matter what everyone else says!!! Don’t allow others to write your story only God!!!
78.  Don’t be lazy Excute!!!
79.  Discipline = work. In sports/family/work/marriage it takes discipline. Discipline is not always easy or fun but is always necessary.
80.  Tradition is not always Bad
81.  Attending healthy conferences keeps you fresh.
82.  You never know who you are talking too!!!
83.  Give hilariously with your money always!!! Look at a man’s pocketbook and you will find his true love!
84.  Bigger is not always better
85.  Call people Back, Return emails, respond on facebook and twitter
86.  Time Management saves you hours in a day!!!
87.  Fail Fwd always. When you fail, not if, always learn and grow from your mistakes.
88.  You can’t score unless you shoot
89.  Always be honest even when it is hard.
90.  Own up to your mistakes
91.  You are one mistake away from a carrier ending decision.
92.   Never Overreact Stay Calm, take time to think about it then make a decision.
93.  Don’t talk too much people will lose respect for you. Be wise in what comes out of your mouth. Prov 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
94.  Don’t burn bridges. Disrespect and dishonor will burn bridges. Stand up for what you believe but don’t take on battles that are disrespectful.
95.  Loyalty is not something that you should have to demand it should just be given.
96.  Always be ready you never know when something unexpected is going to happen
97.  Don’t let Orbital Decay happen. – When a rocket ship takes off it has amazing power. Once in space though it shuts off is busters and could get into orbital decay. It will then remain stagnate. The only way out of orbital decay is to hit the rocket busters again. This is also known as the S Curve Principal. Is your family, ministry or life in orbital decay?
98.  Cease every opportunity
99.   Keep your attitude in Check.
100.  Try something new, even if it is “not you.”
101. Love your spouse!!!  Never give up on each other.  God put you together. 

FOR PAST POST ON LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED:  GO HERE 

Hang with the Long Hollow Student Ministry Staff - Free Youth Ministry Conference

Long Hollow Student Ministry loves the opportunity to meet and learn from other ministers from all over the country.  We are a staff that is committed to watching students be saved, baptized and grow in their faith.

To help spread the resources God has blessed us with and to help learn from other churches we have created a FREE 24 hour conference that you or your team can attend.

We will let you pick a Wednesday Thursday you would like to come and we will host you and give you some of our staff's time.

the Schedule would look like this:

Wednesday:
2-3 Meet w/ a LHSM Staff Member
3-4 Meet w/ a LHSM Staff Member
5 Dinner on your own
6:15 Middle School Service
7:15 High School Service

This Wednesday night you can pick from one of our campuses.
Hendersonville Campus -
HillCrest Campus -
White House Campus -
Gallatin Campus -
Springfield Campus

Thursday:
9am Attend and Observe during our LHSM staff creative planning meeting.
10:30 - 11:30 Meet w/ an LHSM staff member
11:30 - 1:00 - Meet w/ LHSM Youth Pastor Brian Mills
1-2pm - Take a tour of our new youth building

If you would like to attend this please email amy.trammel@longhollow.com and she will work out the dates we are available and what you would like to accomplish while being here.

We look fwd to learning from you as we break down student ministry.